The OCD Of My Running
Seven months ago I started running. I started from scratch. I was NEVER a runner. I could barely run for 30 seconds straight with out feeling like I was going to die from lack of oxygen. Really, I am not exaggerating. I hated running. I never understood my husband and his family’s running for enjoyment. But I was feeling extra large and decided to join some friends in a May, 5K goal. I followed a couch to 5K podcast program and it was HARD.
I didn’t know that it would get easier, that my lungs would get stronger and I would not be gasping for air three steps in to a 30 second run, that I would not over heat or explode,that I would not die of thirst or be stranded on the trail and not able to hobble home. No one told me that it wouldn’t always be sooo hard. That I would find my breath and my rhythm. Well-they did but I didn’t believe them. I was SURE that maybe everybody else could run…but not me. I hated the jiggly, heavy, tromping way my body felt when I my feet hit the ground. I was just not made or built to run. You see, I am not skinny. And I equated running with skinny people.
I was thin once in my life for about six or eight months. So thin in fact I shopped in the children’s department. But that was a long time ago. ( I am just over 5 feet tall so it’s not that far of a stretch to be in a small size) When my daily routine consisted of smoking, coffee, smoking, walking and eating salad and cereal. That was about 3 children and 15 years ago. Now I am healthy and sturdy. I am a pillow for lounging children and someone who has trouble buckling ski boots over her ample calves. Don’t take that the wrong way. I like the way I look. Sure I wish my belly was flatter or I was a few inches taller. But all in all, I am OK with my body. (You may remember a past post where I explained my image in my head doesn’t always match the image in the mirror or a photo of myself. I feel much better about the way I think I look. Call it denial, but it works!)
Anyways, back to running-Seven months seems like yesterday. Sure there was lots of pain, I had terrible shin splints some chafing. It really was only a few weeks ago that I realized that I finally shook the little voice that told me to turn around and go back home a few hundred yards after I started. It was a struggle to keep going when I heard that voice EVERY time I ran. I always thought about quiting a few minutes into the run. And worse if I skipped a day, I was sure my body would forget and I wouldn’t be able to run. I would be back at day one once again.
Then, one day soon after that voice in my head went away, I realized I actually liked running. I even looked forward to running . I tried to challenge myself to run further and further. And I could do it. Amazing! My body is amazing! I am in awe of the fact that I can actually run 5 or 6 miles on any given day now. And that I am training for a solo- half marathon. (long story) Really it seems like only yesterday that I was running for two minutes and walking for one. If I can accomplish this anyone can.
So here is the OCD part. What I want to know-actually I find it fascinating-what rituals or routines (or in some cases obsessive compulsive disorders) do you follow when you run? For example-I only run in the morning after my coffee has jump started my colon. I brush my teeth, put my hair in a pony tail and take 2 tiny sips of water and then try to pee again. I always carry a stick or two of gum with me in my bra and I can’t stand to wear headphones because my ears get too hot and I get tangled up in the cords. I do the same 4 quick stretches, I follow the same route 95% of the time because then I can run on auto pilot. I never think deep thoughts. I keep it light and relaxing. Today for the first time I carried a water bottle with me and it was OK!! I know some runners do crazy things before they hit the trial!! What do you do?
Part of me-even with all the confidence I have gained in myself, still thinks that if I don’t follow my routine or do these “things” before or while I am running-I won’t make it. I will have to turn around and walk back home. But somewhere deep inside I know better…I think.?
Tags: calves, daily routine, friend, friends, husband, image in the mirror, lack of oxygen, lungs, walk
i’ve only been running a couple of months, so i mix it up a bit – with/without headphones, etc. nothing ritualistic yet.
it feels so good to accomplish something you never thought you could, huh? i’m only up to about 2.5 mi but i’m enjoying it so much!
And I deliberately avoid keeping things the same because if I get too rigid in an exercise routine, I’ll use any disruption as an excuse to skip it. For me, NOT having a routine is a big deal! Totally not like me!!!
And while I’m intrigued, I don’t think I’ll be trying these anytime soon:
http://www.dailycamera.com/news/2009/aug/07/barefoot-running-boulder-five-finger-shoes/
I read your blog and don’t often comment, but wanted to tell you that we did a trip to southern Indiana after reading about yours, and it was wonderful! Thanks for the great information.
P.S. – the running only after the morning coffee has kick-started the colon…definately!!
Happy running!
oh, so glad to have found your blog!