I Choose You Happiness
Sometimes I don’t even know what I need. I go looking for one thing and find another. Sometimes I cast that odd other thing aside thinking I don’t need it and sometimes I hold on to it for dear life, like a new treasure to add to my collection. But funny thing is, that collection has to start somewhere. Often times it begins with a second or third or fourth exposure (because sometimes I am slow, stubborn or deaf) to that odd other thing that I cast away earlier. It keeps popping up and continues to catch my eye and then fills my thoughts and I begin to obsess over it. Then I go back searching for those tidbits I tossed aside earlier. I sort through stuff trying to remember wear I saw it. I find other things along the way to add in and after some back tracking and hard work I have the beginnings of a wonderful collection.
For years I have had this vision of what I wanted my family to be. It sort of looks like an old Kodachrome, or an 8mm movie camera playing a film of strawberry blond kids, happily running through a meadow. Ridiculous, I know. But I am a visual person and the part that sticks out in that picture for me is the happiness and joy part of the picture. The part that I feel is missing from my picture, my family.
At the end of 2009 I told my friends that I was turning over a new leaf. I was going to be a nicer person. When really I meant I was going to find MY joy and happiness. I think I have been looking for it in all the wrong places. No one is going to bring it to me, it’s not in a book or off of a shelf. Recently I realized it has been with me all along. And I didn’t even know it. Happiness really is a choice, it is within my power to just Be Happy. Stepping outside of my normal response or mind set is just a beginning of bringing on that happiness.
I am going to tie this all together I promise!
Last week we attended The Unschoolers Winter Water Park Gathering for 4 days. This is the third year we have attended but this is the longest we have stayed and the most actual conference sessions we have attended. These speakers said exactly what I needed to hear. Not what I wanted mind you, but what I needed. We rehashed these conference discussions 12 billion times over the next several days and a funny thing happened-I went from being dumbfounded and even pissed off a little to questioning and then more discussion and then to an openness that I didn’t anticipate in the least. See, unschooling is about so much more than just not doing school. It’s even more than just letting your kids decide how they want to fill their time and how they want to dress or not cut their hair and dye it blue. I knew that, but I learned again that it is so much more also. This is not the first, second, third or even tenth time I have read or heard or even been exposed to Radical Unschooling but it is the first time I actually listened to it.
I am not much in to “the Secret” but that’s just me casting aside the odd thing for the second or third time now. But holy crap…I heard what I was searching for. Fate maybe? I do believe in fate. I didn’t consciously put it out there, I wasn’t looking for joy at this conference. I was hoping to hear something other than Yes, your unschooler is learning all they need to know, Yes they can go to college, Yes, they will be functioning adults. But not that I have the power to be happy and joyful right inside me-this whole time! I was there to hear about unschooling- Well I guess I did put it out there that I wanted to talk about meatier subjects. I wanted a seasoned unschoolers discussion-even worse I helped lead that discussion. (But I am still not sure about “The Secret!”)
Of course I am living off the conference high since we returned but life feels easier and lighter. Changing MY attitude goes a long way (about 90%) and simply realizing a few things:
* Everything is a choice-I don’t have to do anything but I can choose to do it (the dishes, taking the dogs out for the 12th time in a row etc..) Once I choose to do something it takes away the chore or dread and unpleasantness of it. I always thought this was stupid-just psycho babble-I have been humbled!
* Saying Yes not my knee jerk No-OMG that makes life so much easier!!!! HELL-O
*Simplifying and lowering expectations goes a long way in lowering stress levels and making everyone happier. -Duh
*My kids don’t care about the future (or the clean house or all the time it took me to plan, get, prepare and clean up food), they care about NOW (they want me NOW, not when I finish something else, to be present NOW, not listening with one ear while multi-tasking) And they really want me-to spend time with them-what a huge compliment. I should feel honored that they want to hang out with me!
*My family doesn’t have an agenda or pre meditated reasons for leaving their stuff around, It has nothing to do with me (detachment)so why be resentful??!
So much of this may seem obvious but it has really been a light bulb switching on for me. Some of it is just looking at things differently. In a nutshell-I went looking for what I thought was Unschooling info and came home with so much more. So much information that I cast away as craziness or just didn’t pay attention to while hearing it over and over again. My collection is beginning to grow, so many new treasures and I plan to hold on to each new piece for dear life.
(My husband wants to know why it took me 1,000 words to say this! It was cathartic, honey!)
Tags: camera, chore, collection, conference, detachment, family, friend, friends, Gathering, Happy, joy and happiness, Kids, Learning, openness, park, Radical, Simplifying, turning over a new leaf, unschool, unschooler, Unschoolers, unschooling, visual person
See, THAT. I need to read that every single day.
Thanks for all the terrific food for thought!
When I read your blogs it just sort of reminds me how I was feeling a long time ago, and all those A-Ha! moments.
I’ve been attracted to various unschooling blogs and other resources lately and find myself being comforted to know that my children will be okay without structured education, on the one hand, and being confronted with my own journey as an adult unschooler on the other. For some reason, I’ve previously thought of unschooling as ‘only for my kids,’ you know, as an alternative to school.
But lately, it’s becoming apparent that the unschooling my children will experience will not stop when they become adults. And if unschooling doesn’t stop for them as adults, then why can’t it START for me as an adult? Now that I think about it, it’s probably better (essential?) if it does start for me as a parent as that will, at the least, give me experiences that I can share with my children. I can imagine a world where every adult starts unschooling themselves.
Like I wrote, you all have probably rehashed this a few times already, but I wanted to share that what you’ve written here are great suggestions for me to use in order to push myself along on my own unschooling path.
Thank you.
You are so right-No reason you shouldn’t start unschooling too!!! After all you need to be able to free yourself from all those silly, mindless standards and deschool so that you can really trust your kids. Glad you liked my post-thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
This was a great post for me to read. I should feel honored that they want to spend time with me, not annoyed.
I am learning so much about myself and my kids along the way. I really am looking forward to this next year.
We’ve recently decided that unschooling is right for our family – our kids are 21 mos and 6 weeks. I’ve realized that since making that decision and doing more and more research, I’ve automatically become more grounded and less controlling with my daughter. (Probably helps that I’m reading Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, LOL) I’m also realizing that although I was traditionally schooled, I’ve been unschooling myself my entire life – spending every waking non-school moment reading books, writing novels as a child, and even now, as an adult, spending tonnes of time voraciously researching and learning about the things that interest me – started when I was pregnant and learning about parenting and baby care. Moved on to breastfeeding then baby-wearing, attachment parenting, co-sleeping. Moved onto La Leche League meetings, reading ‘Kids Are Worth It!’ then ‘The Continuum Concept’ – then learning about natural infant hygiene (EC), homeschooling, unschooling.
I feel like I’ve learned more since I’ve left school than I’ve ever learned in my life!