The OCD Of My Running
Seven months ago I started running. I started from scratch. I was NEVER a runner. I could barely run for 30 seconds straight with out feeling like I was going to die from lack of oxygen. Really, I am not exaggerating. I hated running. I never understood my husband and his family’s running for enjoyment. But I was feeling extra large and decided to join some friends in a May, 5K goal. I followed a couch to 5K podcast program and it was HARD.
I didn’t know that it would get easier, that my lungs would get stronger and I would not be gasping for air three steps in to a 30 second run, that I would not over heat or explode,that I would not die of thirst or be stranded on the trail and not able to hobble home. No one told me that it wouldn’t always be sooo hard. That I would find my breath and my rhythm. Well-they did but I didn’t believe them. I was SURE that maybe everybody else could run…but not me. I hated the jiggly, heavy, tromping way my body felt when I my feet hit the ground. I was just not made or built to run. You see, I am not skinny. And I equated running with skinny people.
I was thin once in my life for about six or eight months. So thin in fact I shopped in the children’s department. But that was a long time ago. ( I am just over 5 feet tall so it’s not that far of a stretch to be in a small size) When my daily routine consisted of smoking, coffee, smoking, walking and eating salad and cereal. That was about 3 children and 15 years ago. Now I am healthy and sturdy. I am a pillow for lounging children and someone who has trouble buckling ski boots over her ample calves. Don’t take that the wrong way. I like the way I look. Sure I wish my belly was flatter or I was a few inches taller. But all in all, I am OK with my body. (You may remember a past post where I explained my image in my head doesn’t always match the image in the mirror or a photo of myself. I feel much better about the way I think I look. Call it denial, but it works!)
Anyways, back to running-Seven months seems like yesterday. Sure there was lots of pain, I had terrible shin splints some chafing. It really was only a few weeks ago that I realized that I finally shook the little voice that told me to turn around and go back home a few hundred yards after I started. It was a struggle to keep going when I heard that voice EVERY time I ran. I always thought about quiting a few minutes into the run. And worse if I skipped a day, I was sure my body would forget and I wouldn’t be able to run. I would be back at day one once again.
Then, one day soon after that voice in my head went away, I realized I actually liked running. I even looked forward to running . I tried to challenge myself to run further and further. And I could do it. Amazing! My body is amazing! I am in awe of the fact that I can actually run 5 or 6 miles on any given day now. And that I am training for a solo- half marathon. (long story) Really it seems like only yesterday that I was running for two minutes and walking for one. If I can accomplish this anyone can.
So here is the OCD part. What I want to know-actually I find it fascinating-what rituals or routines (or in some cases obsessive compulsive disorders) do you follow when you run? For example-I only run in the morning after my coffee has jump started my colon. I brush my teeth, put my hair in a pony tail and take 2 tiny sips of water and then try to pee again. I always carry a stick or two of gum with me in my bra and I can’t stand to wear headphones because my ears get too hot and I get tangled up in the cords. I do the same 4 quick stretches, I follow the same route 95% of the time because then I can run on auto pilot. I never think deep thoughts. I keep it light and relaxing. Today for the first time I carried a water bottle with me and it was OK!! I know some runners do crazy things before they hit the trial!! What do you do?
Part of me-even with all the confidence I have gained in myself, still thinks that if I don’t follow my routine or do these “things” before or while I am running-I won’t make it. I will have to turn around and walk back home. But somewhere deep inside I know better…I think.?
