Taken from Enjoy Life Unschooling’s April blog carnival theme

This months theme is “To Open”.

• The name April is of Latin origin, and its meaning is “to open”.
• What does that mean to you?
  
• What doors do Radical Unschooling open?
• How have you “opened” since discovering unschooling?

Have fun, get messy, make mistakes

What does open mean to me?           To be ready to experience things that come my way. To let go of preconceived ideas and notions of things or the way things “should be.” Not letting fear run my life.  This is something I have to work on everyday. Acceptance of things the way they are.  This is hard for me because I like to be in control. It is comforting for me. In some ways this is a really good trait. I am organized and love taking care of details. But I can go overboard too.  Yet, the more I let go and open myself up the easier it is becoming to really live in the moment and trust that things will work out the way they are meant to.  I don’t have to try to control everything to go my way. What a relief!

What doors do Radical Unschooling open for me?          Most of my control is just an illusion but still a comforting one.  So I get how hard the idea of unschooling is for some people. Just the idea of letting go of all that control you think you have is really hard. But when I do let go, little by little it becomes easier to free myself of so much baggage.  I can really see  and feel who I really am. Not who I was” supposed to be” or how my neighbors see me or who friends think I am. But who I was meant to be.                                                                                                                                                                            Learning to let go of the seeming control I had over my kids has been huge! Fighting over arbitrary rules because I thought that they were necessary. Doing things just because everyone else was and what would they think if we didn’t?!  How awesome that my kids can have this true love and acceptance now. They don’t have to wait until they are adults to lose all kinds of crap; assumptions and expectations that were put upon them  just to  eventually find themselves—the selves they were born to be.  They were born to be just who they are supposed to be  until we try to change them to fit a mold to make things run seemingly smoother.  I say seemingly because now I know how much easier  an unschooling life is.  How much easier it is to live life on our terms everyday instead of the school systems way or our parents way or the mainstream way.  Our life is not an illusion. It is everyday real!

How have I opened since discovering unschooling?           Unschooling has opened this path for me. The real trust that you have to find and develop to unschool has opened my family up to so many possibilities. To choices I never knew were there. We really are free to make decisions, not coerced or biased decisions but what we really want. And we can do that because we are open to support and trust each other.                                                                                                                    And now to show just what an unschooling geek that I am:  I relate everything in my life to unschooling. It is so weird how I find evidence everyday, multiple times, that shows me just how right and perfect this unschooling path is. I hear a story on the radio or I read something,  I see someone loving what they are doing.  All things that don’t have anything to do with unschooling per say–but somehow I can find a link. Just another way unschooling has opened me up to hearing and seeing more and more just how natural unschooling really is—ok I’ll stop now! (I told you I was a geek)

I tried to fix the funny spacing–(that isn’t there on purpose)–but the spaces aren’t on my draft-sorry.

Just when I started feeling comfortable referring to myself as an unschooler or even a radical unschooler, I have decided to pull back, retreat if you will. I love the authentic ideas and practice of unschooling / radical unschooling (RU). I love talking about it and reading about it. What I don’t love is someone, somewhere deciding if I am “doing it right.”  That is what held me back from outwardly identifying myself as an unschooler for so long–the judgment—John Holt wrote and spoke about unschooling then a few interpreted it and THEY decide if we are doing it right or wrong? I don’t like that.

Maybe it’s not even really that. Because I do understand for clarity sake that you don’t call yourself an unschooler and then make your kid wear a coat because YOU think it’s cold or you coerce your kids into doing what you want etc…I have been judgmental in the past too. Deciding if Mrs A is really an unschooler when she is telling me about her kids having to do just a little bit of school work or Mrs. B’s kids only being “allowed” a certain amount of screen time, sleep time etc…Who cares ? Who am I to judge? And why spend my time or focus my energy doing that? Good way to turn people off to unschooling!

Yet really what is important here is me, my family and what I am doing. I don’t need to be concerned what my neighbors family is doing and what they are calling it. I think taking the judgement away  just allows us to be-and be authentic to what is important to our family-not the unschooling movement. Yeah-this is going to make me unpopular. Because believe it or not-even in  unschooling-even the virtual unschooling world-there is a hierarchy and it is very clickish. It’s  sort of like… hmmm… school! Or the lifestyle we are trying to separate ourselves from by making these radical choices.

I have a problem with the amount of respect that is supposed to be extended to children in this movement yet it is definitely not always extended in the same way to adults.  I can say, ” Oh who cares!”  to a lot and nothing directly happened to me to cause me to write this post. But I am seeing a holier than thou attitude on line and I don’t want any part of that. Sure I may sport a bumper sticker that claims, MY UNSHOOLED STUDENT WILL HIRE YOUR HONOR STUDENT and I have been taken to the mat for it by a fellow unschooler and good friend. My defense may be “Lighten up-it’s a joke.”  I haven’t even thought about that conversation again until I started writing this-but if that bumper sticker connects me to those that are making unschooling an exclusive dogmatic religion-than I don’t really want to call myself an unschooler.

Maybe it’s all in a name or the label. I want unschooling support and I want to be able to give unschooling support but don’t know if I want to call it unschooling if that label causes exclusion. So maybe just saying we are living an authentic life is a better fit for me. You can call yourself whatever you want-it shouldn’t concern me. Reformed unschoolers?  I know this ‘name calling” was hashed out earlier this year (and probably several other times). People want a sense of belonging, a village, to find their people. And a way to that sense of community is sometimes in a name because the name identifies the groups ideology as a whole. Maybe an off shoot would be a better place for me to lend and get support. I know in one breath I am saying I shouldn’t care what the neighbors think and in the next I am renaming and starting a different branch. I think it is  still my need for support with in my own comfort level-so I am also being exclusive too I guess. Although, I would rather see it as inclusive. Semantics? Maybe.

I used to read a few unschooling lists when we first started unschooling. I remember being sort of unnerved and scared off by some of what I read. It seemed that some of the “authorities” on unschooling were very judgmental and harsh in their response to on line questions and scenarios. So I turned away from those lists, found some local support and my own way to unschooling. I have since re joined some lists and now that the virtual world is almost more popular than the real world with lists, blogs, facebook and twitter all wanting to give you what you need, it is really easy to get pulled into this exclusive, negative dogma part of unschooling. The message hasn’t changed much. The same self appointed authorities are still rudely ruling the lists. I swear not all unschoolers are like this-if you have read these lists and blogs and are turned off -you are not alone!! It all seems so religious to me-the dogma, the preachers the exclusion. So separatist.

So-I’m out. Wanting to be part of the in-crowd and bring hits to my blog isn’t being very authentic. I am moving off line a bit and back to my in person, real life. Spending too much time reding what I am supposed to do in what “everyone else” is doing instead of just following my heart and spending time with family and friends. I got what I needed from those lists and unschoolers and now I am choosing to take what I like and leave the rest behind-not a popular idea in the radical unschoolers world! (The all or nothing, black and white world.)  I am choosing to be true to my family and not an idea. I know I am not the  only “unschooler” who feels this way and when others have tried to voice this opinion they have been flamed and kicked off lists. Whatever. I am very lucky to have in real life support. I just hope I can extend the authenticity and acceptance that I seek  to others as well.

I have been listening to Amy Childs Whatever, Whatever Amen podcasts. I love them-I can’t listen to them fast enough or find the time to listen to all of them. But they are powerful, uplifting and POSITIVE. They send a happy message. The podcasts speak more to living an authentic life and no so much to labeling your whole life unschooling (although she certainly talks about and uses the term unschooling ). If you are looking for a more positive spin on this lifestyle I encourage you to listen.

I much prefer Amy’s way of sharing the authentic life

Sometimes I don’t even know what I need. I go looking for one thing and find another. Sometimes I cast that odd other thing aside thinking I don’t need it and sometimes I hold on to it for dear life, like a new treasure to add to my collection. But funny thing is, that collection has to start somewhere. Often times it begins with a second or third or fourth exposure  (because sometimes I am slow, stubborn or deaf)  to that odd other thing that I cast away earlier. It keeps popping up and continues to catch my eye and then fills my thoughts and I begin to obsess over it. Then I go back searching for those tidbits I tossed aside earlier. I sort through stuff trying to remember wear I saw it. I find other things along the way to add in and after some back tracking and hard work I have the beginnings of a wonderful collection.

For years I have  had this vision of what I wanted my family to be. It sort of looks like an old Kodachrome, or an 8mm movie camera playing a film of strawberry blond kids, happily running through a meadow. Ridiculous, I know. But I am a visual person and the part that sticks out in that picture for me is the happiness and joy part of the picture. The part that I feel is missing from my picture,  my family.

At the end of 2009 I told my friends that I was turning over a new leaf. I was going to be a nicer person. When really I meant I was going to find MY joy and happiness. I think I have been looking for it in all the wrong places. No one is going to bring it to me, it’s not in a book or off of a shelf. Recently I  realized it  has been with me all along. And I didn’t even know it. Happiness really is a choice, it is within my power to just Be Happy. Stepping outside of my normal response or mind set is just a beginning of bringing on that  happiness.

I am going to tie this all together I promise!

Last week we attended The Unschoolers Winter Water Park Gathering for 4  days. This is the third year we have attended but this is the longest we have stayed and the most actual conference sessions we have attended.  These speakers said exactly what I needed to hear. Not what I wanted mind you, but what I needed. We rehashed these conference discussions 12 billion times over the next several days and a funny thing happened-I went from being dumbfounded and even pissed off a little to questioning and  then more discussion and then to an openness that I didn’t anticipate in the least.  See, unschooling is about so much more than just not doing school. It’s even more than just letting your kids decide how they want to fill their time and how they want to dress or not cut their hair and dye it blue. I knew that, but I learned again that  it is so much more also.   This is not the first, second, third or even tenth time I have read or heard or even been exposed to Radical Unschooling but it is the first time I actually listened to it.

I am not much in to  “the Secret” but that’s just me casting aside the odd thing for the second or third time now. But holy crap…I heard what I was searching for. Fate maybe? I do believe in fate. I didn’t consciously  put it out there, I wasn’t looking for joy at this conference. I was hoping to hear something other than Yes, your unschooler is learning all they need to know, Yes they can go to college, Yes, they will be functioning adults.  But not that I have the power to be happy and joyful right inside me-this whole time! I was there to hear about unschooling- Well I guess I  did put it out there that I wanted to talk about meatier subjects. I wanted a seasoned unschoolers discussion-even worse I helped lead that discussion. (But I am still not sure about “The Secret!”)

Of course I am living off the conference high since we returned but life feels easier and lighter.  Changing MY attitude goes a long way (about 90%) and simply realizing a few things:

*  Everything is a choice-I don’t have to do anything but I can choose to do it (the dishes, taking the dogs out for the 12th time in a row etc..)  Once I choose to do something it takes away the chore or dread and unpleasantness of it. I always thought this was stupid-just psycho babble-I have been humbled!

* Saying Yes  not my knee jerk No-OMG that makes life so much easier!!!!  HELL-O

*Simplifying and lowering expectations goes a long way in lowering stress levels and making everyone happier. -Duh

*My kids don’t care about the future (or the clean house or all the time it took me to plan, get, prepare and clean up food), they care about NOW (they want me NOW, not when I finish something else, to be present NOW,  not listening with one ear while multi-tasking) And they really want me-to spend time with them-what a huge compliment. I should  feel honored that they want to hang out with me!

*My family doesn’t have an agenda or pre meditated reasons for leaving their stuff around, It has nothing to do with me (detachment)so why be resentful??!

So much of this may seem obvious but it has really been a light bulb switching on for me. Some of it is just looking at things differently.  In a nutshell-I went looking for what I thought was Unschooling info and came home with so much more. So much information that I cast away as craziness  or just didn’t pay attention to while hearing it over and over again.  My collection is beginning to grow, so many new treasures and I plan to hold on to each new piece for dear life.

(My husband wants to know why it took me 1,000 words to say this! It was cathartic, honey!)

May this be the year we soar to new heights

Dance with reckless abandon

Stretch ourselves

Take risks

Toast our friends

May this be the year…………

Photos taken at First Night Columbus 2009

Kristina Isabelle/High Jinks Dance Co

KidCo

My feckless friend Abby has started a new Friday game and she wants us all to play along. It’s called Feckless Friday-I could write a post titled Feckless Monday thru Friday but I won’t embarrass myself. This dream I had about Lil’ Wayne is bad enough!

A bit of back ground info-I have a 14 yr old son, Jake,  who controls the car radio-so I listen to a lot of hip-hop. Every time they mention Lil Wayne, my husband and I have a tendency to act like we are cool and yell, “Lil Wayne, Lil Wayne, Lil Wayne’s in the house!” (I need a megaphone there so you can really hear how stupid we are!) And my son always tells us to “shut up!” in his 14 yr old brooding tone.

So on to my dream—Jake and I were at some fair or something and Lil Wayne was standing on a small platform stage with just a handful of people around. I turned to Jake and said, “Oh, Please, please can I do it?!!” He rolled his eyes and and said OK but walked way ahead of me so no one would know he was with me. And then I did it, I screamed, “LIL WAYNE,  LIL WAYNE,  LIL  W-A-Y-N-E’-S  IN  THE  HOUSE!!!!!!!!” and all the coool young, black, hip hoppers shook their fists at me and high fived me and said, “way to go Mamma!”

It was like a dream come true to be considered so cool by all those rappers. But as Jake reminds me…”it’s only your dream Mom.” Ahhhhhhhhhh

But I think Feckless Abby could have pulled it off…What d’ya think?

So how stupid are you? Let Abby know so she doesn’t feel so lonely!

Seven months ago I started running. I started from scratch. I was NEVER a runner. I could barely run for 30 seconds straight with out feeling like I was going to die from lack of oxygen. Really, I am not exaggerating.  I hated running. I never understood my husband and his family’s running for enjoyment.  But I was feeling extra large and decided to join some friends in a May, 5K goal.  I followed a couch to 5K podcast program and it was HARD.

I didn’t know that it would get easier, that my lungs would get stronger and I would not be gasping for air  three steps in to a 30 second run, that I would not over heat or explode,that I would not die of thirst or be stranded on the trail and not able to hobble home.  No one told me that it wouldn’t always be sooo hard. That I would find my breath and my rhythm.  Well-they did but I didn’t believe them. I was SURE that maybe everybody else could run…but not me. I hated the jiggly, heavy, tromping way my body felt when I  my feet hit the ground.  I was just not made or built to run. You see, I am not skinny. And I equated running with skinny people.

I was thin once in my life for about six or eight months. So thin in fact I shopped in the children’s department.  But that was a long time ago.  ( I am just over 5 feet tall so it’s not that far of a stretch to be in a small size) When my daily routine consisted of smoking, coffee, smoking, walking and eating salad and cereal. That was about 3 children and 15 years ago. Now I am healthy and sturdy. I am a pillow for lounging children and someone who has trouble buckling ski boots over her ample calves. Don’t take that the wrong way. I like the way I look. Sure I wish my belly was flatter or I was a few inches taller. But all in all, I am OK with my body. (You may remember a past post where I explained my image in my head doesn’t always match the image in the mirror or a photo of myself. I feel much better about the way I think I look. Call it denial, but it works!)

Anyways, back to running-Seven months seems like yesterday. Sure there was lots of pain, I had terrible shin splints some chafing. It really was only a few weeks ago that I realized that I finally shook the little voice that told me to turn around and go back home a few hundred yards after I started. It was a struggle to keep going when I heard that voice EVERY time I ran. I always thought about quiting a few minutes into the run. And worse if I skipped a day, I was sure my body would forget and I wouldn’t be able to run. I would be back at day one once again.

Then, one day soon after that voice in my head went away, I realized I actually liked running. I even looked forward to running . I tried to challenge  myself to run further and further.  And I could do it. Amazing! My body is amazing!  I am in awe of the fact that I can actually run 5 or 6 miles on any given day now. And that I am training for a solo- half marathon. (long story)  Really it seems like only yesterday that I was running for two minutes and walking for one. If  I can accomplish this anyone can.

So here is the OCD part. What I want to know-actually I find it fascinating-what rituals or routines (or in some cases obsessive compulsive disorders)  do you follow when you run?  For example-I only run in the morning after my coffee has jump started my colon. I brush my teeth, put my hair in a pony tail and take 2 tiny sips of water and then try to pee again.  I always  carry a stick or two of gum with me in my bra and I can’t stand to wear headphones because my ears get too hot and I get tangled up in the cords. I do the same 4 quick stretches, I follow the same route 95% of the time because then I can run on auto pilot.  I never think deep thoughts. I keep it light and relaxing. Today for the first time I carried a water bottle with me and it was OK!!  I know some runners do crazy things before they hit the trial!! What do you do?

Part of me-even with all the confidence I have gained in myself, still thinks that if I don’t follow my routine or do these “things” before or while I am running-I won’t make it. I will have to turn around and walk back home. But somewhere deep inside I know better…I think.?

Broken humerus snowboarding with friends today.

Lucky he had a helmet on!

Bad timing!

We are leaving for an Unschoolers Conference at a water park for a few days, we have a quick ski trip planned, he has several circus performances coming up, helping out with a music video in the girls breakdancing class, and he and Joe were going to Jackson Hole for snowboarding and snowmobiling. (which may still be possible if he heals in a timely manner).

Ginger is sick and I spent most of the day at the hospital with Jake,  so packing and shopping for our trip is not happening. So, I will be cramming in what I can tomorrow and then off for a few days of R&R. I’ll be back next week, hopefully with better news. Or at least I’ll be well rested.