Pepper Paints

The Real Meaning of Unschooling Success

CNN posted an article on Unschooling this week-UNSCHOOLERS LEARN WHAT THEY WANT, WHEN THEY WANT. I thought the article was good up until the “Professional” stepped in with what he thinks the world needs from our kids and how they need “trained adults” to get them there. The article also uses the unschooled child of a Doctor (professor of alternative learning at that!) and Sudbury Valley Schools and their alumni for most of it’s examples. Which might at least seem like school or a bit of organized education to the general public-along with the voice of “learning expert” to give the article some clout–Because those of us that unschool and don’t belong to a democratic school are just too far out there and definitely not to be taken seriously! We have all seen the mainstream news and TV run with those stories!

My biggest issue with this article though, is their use of attending college as their measure of unschooling success. (Unschoolers who go on to pre-med and Harvard  none the less are interviewed for this piece).  This is certainly not limited to this CNN article. (Which happens to appear under the heading PERRY’S PRINCIPLES: SCHOOLING FOR SUCCESS.) As a parent of three unschooled kids one of the first questions we are often asked is, “What about college?” Because if you don’t go to college, what will you do? At some point these same people will hopefully realize that we aren’t going to conform just for the sake of it! Unschooling doesn’t just end when you are 18 or 21 and it’s time to get a real job. Unschoolers do not embark on this lifestyle for the payoff at the end. It is for learning and happiness now and in the future.

Unschooling will continue to creep into the mainstream in bits and pieces. Peoples ideas about education will change. Yet unschooling success will never be understood as long as the end all, be all success of education (and most lives) are based on if and where you go to college and what type of job you perform.

True unschooling success is about choices and happiness. It is about getting up and  choosing to go to college or a job you enjoy or even choosing not to go to work!  One that you have chosen not just because it is pays the bills or because that was what you graduated in or because that was just the next step you were supposed to take.

Unschooling unveils all the choices one has in life. Choosing your own path to follow is true success. Happiness is true success. That may be college but for many unschoolers it may not be. Until the world stops assuming everyone should go to college and then to work just because that’s what you are supposed to do–the United States education sytem will not improve and unschooling will never be rightfully understood.

To Those Who Give Unschooling A Bad Name

Just when I started feeling comfortable referring to myself as an unschooler or even a radical unschooler, I have decided to pull back, retreat if you will. I love the authentic ideas and practice of unschooling / radical unschooling (RU). I love talking about it and reading about it. What I don’t love is someone, somewhere deciding if I am “doing it right.”  That is what held me back from outwardly identifying myself as an unschooler for so long–the judgment—John Holt wrote and spoke about unschooling then a few interpreted it and THEY decide if we are doing it right or wrong? I don’t like that.

Maybe it’s not even really that. Because I do understand for clarity sake that you don’t call yourself an unschooler and then make your kid wear a coat because YOU think it’s cold or you coerce your kids into doing what you want etc…I have been judgmental in the past too. Deciding if Mrs A is really an unschooler when she is telling me about her kids having to do just a little bit of school work or Mrs. B’s kids only being “allowed” a certain amount of screen time, sleep time etc…Who cares ? Who am I to judge? And why spend my time or focus my energy doing that? Good way to turn people off to unschooling!

Yet really what is important here is me, my family and what I am doing. I don’t need to be concerned what my neighbors family is doing and what they are calling it. I think taking the judgement away  just allows us to be-and be authentic to what is important to our family-not the unschooling movement. Yeah-this is going to make me unpopular. Because believe it or not-even in  unschooling-even the virtual unschooling world-there is a hierarchy and it is very clickish. It’s  sort of like… hmmm… school! Or the lifestyle we are trying to separate ourselves from by making these radical choices.

I have a problem with the amount of respect that is supposed to be extended to children in this movement yet it is definitely not always extended in the same way to adults.  I can say, ” Oh who cares!”  to a lot and nothing directly happened to me to cause me to write this post. But I am seeing a holier than thou attitude on line and I don’t want any part of that. Sure I may sport a bumper sticker that claims, MY UNSHOOLED STUDENT WILL HIRE YOUR HONOR STUDENT and I have been taken to the mat for it by a fellow unschooler and good friend. My defense may be “Lighten up-it’s a joke.”  I haven’t even thought about that conversation again until I started writing this-but if that bumper sticker connects me to those that are making unschooling an exclusive dogmatic religion-than I don’t really want to call myself an unschooler.

Maybe it’s all in a name or the label. I want unschooling support and I want to be able to give unschooling support but don’t know if I want to call it unschooling if that label causes exclusion. So maybe just saying we are living an authentic life is a better fit for me. You can call yourself whatever you want-it shouldn’t concern me. Reformed unschoolers?  I know this ‘name calling” was hashed out earlier this year (and probably several other times). People want a sense of belonging, a village, to find their people. And a way to that sense of community is sometimes in a name because the name identifies the groups ideology as a whole. Maybe an off shoot would be a better place for me to lend and get support. I know in one breath I am saying I shouldn’t care what the neighbors think and in the next I am renaming and starting a different branch. I think it is  still my need for support with in my own comfort level-so I am also being exclusive too I guess. Although, I would rather see it as inclusive. Semantics? Maybe.

I used to read a few unschooling lists when we first started unschooling. I remember being sort of unnerved and scared off by some of what I read. It seemed that some of the “authorities” on unschooling were very judgmental and harsh in their response to on line questions and scenarios. So I turned away from those lists, found some local support and my own way to unschooling. I have since re joined some lists and now that the virtual world is almost more popular than the real world with lists, blogs, facebook and twitter all wanting to give you what you need, it is really easy to get pulled into this exclusive, negative dogma part of unschooling. The message hasn’t changed much. The same self appointed authorities are still rudely ruling the lists. I swear not all unschoolers are like this-if you have read these lists and blogs and are turned off -you are not alone!! It all seems so religious to me-the dogma, the preachers the exclusion. So separatist.

So-I’m out. Wanting to be part of the in-crowd and bring hits to my blog isn’t being very authentic. I am moving off line a bit and back to my in person, real life. Spending too much time reding what I am supposed to do in what “everyone else” is doing instead of just following my heart and spending time with family and friends. I got what I needed from those lists and unschoolers and now I am choosing to take what I like and leave the rest behind-not a popular idea in the radical unschoolers world! (The all or nothing, black and white world.)  I am choosing to be true to my family and not an idea. I know I am not the  only “unschooler” who feels this way and when others have tried to voice this opinion they have been flamed and kicked off lists. Whatever. I am very lucky to have in real life support. I just hope I can extend the authenticity and acceptance that I seek  to others as well.

I have been listening to Amy Childs Whatever, Whatever Amen podcasts. I love them-I can’t listen to them fast enough or find the time to listen to all of them. But they are powerful, uplifting and POSITIVE. They send a happy message. The podcasts speak more to living an authentic life and no so much to labeling your whole life unschooling (although she certainly talks about and uses the term unschooling ). If you are looking for a more positive spin on this lifestyle I encourage you to listen.

I much prefer Amy’s way of sharing the authentic life

My Quick But Long Response to Discovery Health Radical Parenting Show

I have so much running through my brain after reading many negative responses to last nights airing of Radical Parenting on Discovery Health. I am speaking particularly on the Radical Unschooling segment. 20 minutes on TVsure can whip up a lot of opinions!! There was obvious editing and “the experts” were obviously from the other much more traditional side of parenting (and didn’t back up there expert opinions with any facts).

For those who watched and are now leaving negative  comments on Radical Unschooling all over the place here is some basic information (which many of you seem to be lacking) Radical Unschooling is a way of life, not just an educational choice. Just like someone who is catholic isn’t just catholic on Sundays at mass or a vegetarian only at dinner.  And just like those families that aren’t unschooling, learning is happening all the time. ALL THE TIME. You can’t not learn. Your brain never shuts off. So even those that choose another type of education or lifestyle-you’re still learning all the time too. So don’t give those teachers all the credit!

Radical Unschooling has little to do with school-we don’t “do” school. We (along w/ our kids because we too are learning all the time) learn by living. We read, play games, visit museums, libraries, cook, garden, investigate.  These are the  things more traditional families consider learning opportunities too- you plan trips around this stuff, you do it on the weekends you look back on these experiences with fond memories. We do it everyday.  All those things that are just part of everyday life are learning opportunities  too (grocery shopping -the list making, price comparison, budget making, reading labels…). When we need to know something we find the answers-ask someone, look it up, take a class. We are in charge of our learning. Anything you want to know the answer is out there for you to find. You don’t have to sit in a class room for 12 yrs! Go find the answer yourself.

As a parent it is my job to expose my kids to as much stuff as I can. You never know what will spark an interest. And that interest will lead to more in depth learning-be it dinosaurs, robots, computers or biology. Who are we to say what is important enough to learning and what isn’t. And for those that need it clarified-our learning is well rounded. example….Susie loves rocks. Everywhere she goes she picks them up. So as a parent I plan trips to find good rocks. We look up some places on the internet, we get books out from the library-(reading, english) We pick a place to go (geography, math, science) We go there and dig (earth science) We identify our rocks and figure out why these types of rocks are different than the ones we picked up on our trip out west.(more science, english, math, geography)  And it goes on and on. All the time.  Not just on Saturdays or in the evenings.  Not only in the 4th grade because that’s when you study rocks. And not only for a week because now you have to learn about something your not interested in because your course of study has been pre determined by people who know what and when and how in depth you will be learning certain things.  That is the “school” part of Radical Unschooling.

I say it is a lifestyle because we are not telling our kids what to learn or how to learn it. They are deciding and as a parent I am helping when they need it, yet putting “stuff” out there all the time (with no expectations ). We are respecting there choices. We are trusting them to listen to themselves. I am not telling my kids to put a coat on because it is cold or go to bed because I say it’s time for you to be tired. That’s not to say we don’t have a bed time routine-teeth brushing, jammies, reading books, lights down low. But as an example my 11 yr old, after all of that last night, stayed up watching an animation tutorial on the computer after I fell asleep.

Yes, Sarah Parent read something on the show for one of her kids-If your husband said to you”What does that say” would you stand there and quiz him or just read it for him. There will be loads of opportunities for kids to read-it is an unavoidable part of life. More than 90 % of the population learns to read on their own. Exposure is key!

I think the main difference is an unschoolers definition of success. Success to us would be our children growing up to be happy. Happiness trumps all-sorry! If you are happy working at McDonalds-excellent! Working there fills a need-people like burgers and fries and somebody needs to make em and serve em! If you are happy being a plumber-great! I bet you learned that on the job didn’t you? If you are happy going to college-great. Glad your choice of higher education is working out for you.

One comment I read said it is our job to make sure our kids don’t think they are the center of the universe! What??-why not???  My kids, my family are the center of my universe! They are special and perfect to me. They should be honored and valued as such so that they have the confidence and love for themselves to be the best possible human being they can be. The world will teach them disappointment- it is part of life. I don’t feel the need to knock them down (figuratively) so they get used to it and know what it’s like.

Ok-I have to go-this was typed out super quickly-so don’t judge unschooling by my typos or anything grammatically incorrect. I don’t even have time to read through it a second time!

Here I Am

I am still sorting and cleaning and not feeling very creative so that’s why no blog posts as of  late.  But all of that may soon change-I have found a great new (to me) blog that has certainly stirred some creative thoughts. No actions yet-but my mind keeps going back to the work this family creates. I am in awe of their talent and am so intrigued by there lifestyle choices. I didn’t see it mentioned anywhere that their kids homeschool-but I have a feeling they are living the unschooling dream of a rich life. I have told so many people about the Beerhorst family that I thought I would post the link here. Enjoy!!

Studio Beerhorst